Grandpa's Life Adventures and Polemic.    by Ludwig Steiner

      One day walking along West Street, a man jumped ahead of me to pick up something. He looked right and left and then looked at me. When he opened his hand it held a little package, and in it was a wedding ring. It could have been mine if I had my nose on the ground instead (of) in the air. He let it be known that he was willing to share the find. He led me to a cheap jewelry store to sell the ring, but wanted my watch as security. I told him to go with me but he said the owner knew him. I would not give him my watch, but went to the store to sell the ring. The owner looked at it and said to me to take it back to Woolworth and tell them to give me back my 10 cent. When I came out of the store the finder was nowhere in sight. Confederate money was still plentiful, and many a greenhorn had his good American dollars changed for confederate. But we learn slowly, how could we know that our European clothes was a dead giveaway for a greenhorn that we were.

      There were many basement bankers you trusted with your hard earned savings because he spoke your language, and when you went there again you found a sign 'Basement for Rent'. "Durch Schaden wird man Klug" says the German (through trials we get smart). In desperation the victim crys for law and justice, and is told by the cynic that the best way to find it is to look into the Dictionary. Slowly he learns that laws are made in America to be violated, and lawyers are made to advise the crook how to keep out of jail.

      There is something wrong in the Land of the free. When the contracts were signed for the construction of the New York Subways, the North German Lloyd let it be know in Italy that 30,000 laborers are wanted in New York to dig the subways at $2.25 a day. But the advertisement did not say that 40,000 are waiting in New York for the job. $2.25 was almost a weeks pay in Italy. On they came to New York to dig subways. Disappointment and despair awaited them in New York.

      An attempt was made to organize the longshoremen on the Bremen piers, and Steiner became a charter member of Local 307 of the International Longshoremens Union. Many workers were not in favor of forming a union. They ridiculed us by saying: 'Why should we pay 25 cent a month when we can work without a union?'. We were only a small group, we were able to make the company pay 35 cents for overtime, then the others came too, like flies to the sugar bowl. A member more than 3 months in arrears was not in good standing, and 6 months in arrears was dropped from membership. We had to drop them as fast as we admitted them 6 months ago.

      I had been living on free lunch and restaurants when a fellow worker offered me Room and Board for $5 a week, the board was not better than free lunch. One day I saw her lousing her boy, and then making hamburger patties without washing her hands, and I went back to free lunch and restaurants.

      Work was slow on the docks again, and I heard that a Concert Hall on Washington Street wants a Porter, and I was on the run for the job. The Boss asked me if I had any references, I told him not written, but told him I had worked in the Old Homestead Garden, and the best reference would be a try, and he did give me that try. My pay was $10 per week, work from 7 A.M. to 7 P.M. I was left to myself most of the time. My boss was a night owl, and only came down when he had to meet salesmen and collectors.

      One Sunday morning when I was cleaning and smoking a cigar, my brand was Virginia cheroots, 5 for 10 cents, when the boss surprised me by his visit, he had not been in bed at all. He said 'Oh you are smoking cigars!' I said 'yes' and handed him the pack with Cheroots to take one. When he saw that I was not smoking his cigars, he was much relieved.

      Several days later he came down and said to me: 'From now on I want you to do certain things I did. Here behind the bar is a box with $10 and the list of prices we pay for goods. You pay for the things delivered, mark what you have paid on (the) list and keep (the) list in (the) box'. A 2 cent Virginia cigar had helped me to learn the art of American Business, there may be hope for advancement.

      My first business was with the Birch beer man. I was to pay him one Dollar for a half barrel of birch beer, of which he was to spend 10 cents over the bar. Next the soft drink man. The champagne man was to be paid 20 cents for a pint and 40 cents for a quart. Rhine wine I had to get from a wine dealer in the block. I got that in a 5 gallon jug, and paid $3.20 for 5 gallons or 16 cents a quart. I had to wash and refill Rhine wine bottles from the 5 gallon jug; labels, corks, and tinfoils were supplied by the wine dealer.

      Now I was learning the art of wholesale and retail, and hoped that some day I will also learn about the cost of production and distribution, and if it was true that the high cost of labor is responsible for high prices.

      The difference between a saloon and a Concert Hall is that the beer glass is only half as big, and for that the singer gets $10 a week for singing to you and show your her pretty leg from knee to ankle, and to relieve you of your money if you have any. The waiter receives no pay, but gets 10% commission on drinks sold. The singer gets 25% besides her wages. An order of Sarsaparilla is drawn from the Birch beer barrel. When the guest said 'Waiter, I ordered Sarsaparilla and not birch beer' the waiter replies 'Pardon Sir, the mistake was mine', he goes back to the bar and has it refilled with Sas. You'd be surprised to know how few know the difference between Birch and Sas.

      The white wine from the 5 gallon jug is the same, but the labels are different. White wine sells for a dollar a pint and 2 dollars a quart. Cost of wine 16 cents, waiter 20 cents, Singer 50 cents, total 86 cents, for the house $1.14 exclusive of bottling and labeling by (the) porter. Champagne costs 40 cents, Waiter 40 cents, Singer $1, total $1.80, for the house $2.20.

      Two billboards on the sidewalk, advertise names of Singers, and are changed weekly. A customer said to the boss that the sign-painters job was so sloppy that his porter could do a better job. The boss in doubt got a big sheet of paper and told the porter to copy the sign painters work. The boss was well pleased and let the porter paint the signs from now on.

      The porter never good at arithmetic began to wonder, why, after two promotions, substitute bartender and purchaser and now sign-painter, still has only $10 as in the beginning, and the profits of 5 quarts of champagne paid for a weeks salary plus $1 profit, and the knowledge of cost of distribution from wholesaler to consumer, the porter should be in line for a raise. 'To earn more learn more' is the motto, and I learned a lot since I am here. When I asked the boss about a raise, he gave me a pat on my shoulder and said "Lu, you are allright" but no raise. It should not be hard for me to get another job with my experience gained, but for the time I stayed and let him guess.

      There was a young S.P.C.A. cop living in the house, whose mouth was much bigger than his head. He often sat on a high stool and told me how he gets those ignorant foreigners, who have a horse and wagon, to peddle or buy junk to the Justice of the Peace, and accuse them for violations. The Justice fines the poor ignorant driver and splits the fine with the cop. The driver does not know right from wrong, pays, there is no other redress for him. To go against a cop is inviting disaster, and he has to live. Are you wondering why we have communists in our free country?

      A longshoreman sold me a ticket to a smoker, for 10 cents. Ticket included free pipe and tobacco. Date Jan.30, 1903, place corner Second and Clinton St. Hoboken, and given by branch 3 Socialist Party. I had never been to a smoker, and it was true, you could have a clay pipe or corn cob, and tobacco was in a cigar box help yourself. There was also a man who spoke to us in German. He told us that labor was the creator of all wealth; that we weave the cloth and go in rags, build castles and live in huts, work from sunup to sundown to provide comfort for the wealthy and are often hungry. That we have the godgiven right to enjoy those things in common with them, that we wish them no harm, but they must create with us and that it is the aim of the Socialist Party to work toward an equal distribution of the earths natural gifts, in order to gain this we must organize and work for peace and not for war.

      That the Socialists pay monthly dues in order to propagate our aims and ideas. To me who had been plagued with this problem it was like the Sermon on the Mount. We were invited to ask questions and to join the comrades in their struggle for the emancipation of the working class. I paid my quarter for the first months dues and my first red card was dated Feb. first 1903, issued by the Hudson County Committee of the Socialist Party of New Jersey. Dues paid to a Union are for strike funds, and to the Party for Socialist Propaganda. The Motto is "Workers of the World unite, you have nothing to lose but your chains, you have a world to gain".

      Our Party newspaper was the N.Y. Volkszeitung, a German daily, and The Worker, a weekly in English. There was another socialist part, the Socialist Labor Party, but I was unaware of its existence. A movement was under way to start a socialist daily in the English language. Many ways were tried to raise funds for the new daily. We raffled a surprise package to contain a valuable article. The bid was started, first bidder offered 5 cents and put up his nickel, second said 10 cents and put up another, until bidding stopped. Proceeds went to new paper named New York Call. Contents of surprise package was a piece of hard coal. Valuable because miners were on strike. After meetings we played pinochle, winner gets nothing, losers money went to the Call. A big affair was held at the Grand Central Palace in N.Y. for the benefit of the Call. Of all the willing workers for the cause, the Jewish comrades were without equal in fund raising.

      The Party had a club room on 125th St. N.Y. where Sunday lectures were held. Before the lecture we were asked if we wish coffee or tea. The amount of cups ordered were measured in the coffee or tea pot. No waste. Proceeds went for rent. A quarter was a lot of money to some.

      Street meetings were held every Saturday during Summer. We had folding speakers platform, one would carry the red flag, some would distribute leaflets. The red flag did not represent the overthrow of a government as our opponents claim, but the workers blood that had been spilled by employers in mills, mines, and factories. Socialists never appealed to force and violence, but to reason. Most speakers received no pay, only fare to and from home. While our meetings were known to the police, we had to endure many disturbances, interrupting the speakers, insulting remarks, have wagons rattling around the block, etc. We campaigned 12 months in the year. Weeks before election we met at headquarters to fold literature for distribution. At one time Hoboken had 4 socialist branches. No.1 was German speaking, 2 and 3 English speaking and branch 4 Jewish. On Sundays we were filling mail boxes with our literature, until the Post Office ruled against filling mail boxes with campaign literature, and we had to climb stairs, and push our papers under the doors.

      Many houses still had their latrines in the back yard, and bed pots were no rarities. One nice Sunday morning while putting my papers under the door, and walking down the stair, an unknown opponent emptied her bedpot over my head, which doused my spirit for the day, but amused my comrades.

      Unions were gaining in strength and solidarity. A Headquarters is to be built on East 84th Street, and the laying of the Cornerstone was to be a gala affair. Among the many Unions was Local 307 of the Hoboken Longshoremen, and the final celebration was to be held at the Old Homestead Garden, only 6 blocks away. My first job in the U.S.A. The former manager was still there, but I did not see his dogs. When I finally had a chance to get at the bar he looked at me with a puzzled expression; after a while he said: 'I have seen you before, but for the life of me I don't remember where'. I told him to think hard, maybe he will remember. He said 'I give up, who are you?' Then I told him that I was that goddamn Greenhorn that took a walk without his permission in the Land of the Free and was attacked with a broom handle.

      He pretended to be happy to see me again, said that I was a good porter, but stubborn as a Mule. I returned the compliment by telling him that we both would make a good team on a Manure wagon. That was the last time I was in the Old Homestead Garden, now a thing of the past.

      It is Winter again, work very slow and no place to go but a Saloon, but you are not welcome unless you have something to spend. A few times I was invited to the home of a fellow worker, to play a game of pinochle, for a pint of beer, and I lost. It was still cheaper than be in a saloon. Thinking that I was a poor player, he invited me often, and I became fond of his children, among them a 4 year old they called Mousy.

      I had not been in his house for some time when I met him in a Saloon, and he told me that his Mousy was sick, and he has no money for a doctor. Well, Steiner had no money either, his watch was already in hock, but the child needed help. The only thing of value was my overcoat, so I took the overcoat to join the watch, and was given 3 dollars. Mousy's father was in the saloon waiting for me. I gave him 2 dollars to get a doctor, but he was in no hurry, until I told him to go home and quick.

      Weeks later I came to his house again, he was not at home; I told his wife how happy I was to see Mousy well again. She asked me what made me think that the child had been sick? There was murder in my heart, when I told her that her husband told me. Of all the dirty bums, he was the biggest. While I was freezing without an overcoat, that bum had spent my two dollars for beer. When I faced him he had the gall to tell me it was only a loan and he will pay me when he has it.

      I was Spring when we loaded a Hamburg ship with coal, working day and night. Mousy's father was also working on that ship, and it was time for me to collect. If I ever wanted to see my two dollars again, now was the time to collect, but he had no intention to pay . . I gave him an ultimatum, either pay or I will take it out of his hide. He paid with lamentation, and I went to the hockshop to get watch and overcoat that needed airing.

      I have now been in this country over 5 years, and had my first paper over 2 years, and was eligible for citizen. Reviewing my past life, I found that in spite of its many shortcomings, the U.S. is the best place after all. I diligently learned about the republican form of government and was able to answer 323 questions.

      After my application was posted in the Hoboken City Hall for about 3 weeks, I was informed to appear in the Court of Common Pleas in Jersey City, on May 5, 1905. After answering 4 questions asked by the Judge correctly, he was satisfied. Now to the County Clerk for my paper. I had the choice of 3, 50 cent, $1.50, and $2.50. The 50 cent was plain paper, and small in size, the $1.50 was larger, decorated and and a blue seal. The $2.50 was very nice and had a gold seal. The gold seal paper for me. My witness was a saloon keeper George G. who was also German. When county clerk John Rotherham asked him if he was a native or naturalized, he said he did not know, he had first to look at his papers. When I told the clerk that he was naturalized, he said to me aside: 'They should take his papers away from him and give them to me". My oath was taken in the old Court House and Frank Hague was head porter. The name of the political Boss in the Land of the Free in Hudson County was Bob Davis, and the successor to his throne was Frank Hague.

      Too late I learned that it is not important in this country what you know, but who you know. I too was once a good porter who knew his business, but not the right people, and on top of that I belonged to the wrong party.

      I have a new job in a home for the aged and infirm Hebrews. Wages are 20 Dollars a month, work from 6 A.M. to 6 P.M. There were about 400 inmates, half of them in the Hospital Ward. My duties were laid out for the week. A part of the day for window cleaning. First thing in the morning was to cut bread for all of them and place it on the table. Some had rye and others white bread, for those of rye bread I put a chalk mark under their tables. At meal time I had to serve as waiter for 38 guests. Each of my guests had 4 prunes for his or her cereal. Conversations would go like this: 'Say porter, why do you give him the big prunes and me the small ones?' 'I don't dish them out pop, and serve them the way I get them.'

      Another shows me a few slices of bread, hard as a biscuit. 'Porter, I cannot eat this bread, I have no teeth'. I knew that I had put fresh bread on the table, somebody is playing a trick on me, it happens often and I report it to the manager. He said 'don't pay any attention to them, they sneak into the dining room and take the fresh bread and replace it with the stale.'

      I visit the hospital ward for bread orders. Grandma says "Are you the new porter?" "Yes, my lady." "Are you married?" "No, my lady." "Why are you not married?" "Because I cannot support a wife." "Is that your only reason?" "Yes, my lady." "I have $500 the home knows nothing about, will you marry me?" "Yes, I am willing to marry you, but not now." "Why not?" "Because I want to save until I have $500 too so that you cannot say that I married you for your money." Every morning she reminded me to be sure and save, so that we can soon be happy. All the hired help was non Jewish.

      I had to listen to many stories of them when I had time. Some told me that they were Millionaires before the Civil War, and paupers after, others lectured about Moses and Christ.

      One day there was delivered beer, wine, cakes, candy, cigars, and many other things, and when I asked the reason for all this, I was told a wedding. What, here in the Home? No, of course not, I was told, but when a rich Jew is very happy, he thinks of his poor brethren, and there is a rich wedding today.

      Will my Christian brethren please take notice and do likewise.

      Porter, come here and help us take a corpse up to the Synagogue, you take the front, while we carry the rear end of the coffin, but you will have to walk backwards.

      After having delivered the corpse to the Synagogue, I wanted to know if my walking backwards had something to do with the Jewish faith. No, but by walking backwards you have a better grip on the coffin. The last porter we had walked ahead of the coffin, list his grip, and the body not only fell down the stairs, but out of the box too. Do you have dead bodies often? Well it is to be expected in a place like this. Well Grandpa, I am allergic to dead people, may they be Jews, Gentiles, or Mohamedans, what you need is an Undertaker, and I resign from this kind of porter work.

      Comrade Upton Sinclair has written his first book, The Jungle, and Socialists were asked to buy, and pay for it in advance, so that it can be published.

      In the 1904 presidential campaign, candidate Theodore Roosevelt promised the American worker a full dinner pail. After his election we still had the pail and his promises, but the pail was never full, the contents were less and less and by 1907 bottomless. The author of the 'Jungle' had worked in the slaughter houses in Chicago, and described what he had seen in Chicago in his book. Unless you have a strong stomach, don't read it. It turned me who was a glutton for meat into a vegetarian. Someone sent our beloved Teddy a copy of the Jungle, and he sent a committee to Chicago to find the facts. They found the story to be true, and many other evils he did not mention.

      During the Spanish American War, less than 500 soldiers lost their life in combat, and more than 4000 from the embalmed beef supplied to our troops by the patriotic beef trust, and now another scandal! The pure food and drug act was passed by Congress in June 1907. Local butchers kept a box under the counter for trimmings and suet, which were collected by the wholesale butchers one a week. Refrigeration was lacking, and while suet on top was good and fresh, the bottom was alive with maggots in the summer.

      Formerly all went into Margarine. Since the new law, fresh suet had to be separated from the stale so the butchers were told, but they wanted more money for their extra work; the wholesalers were not willing to pay. So a man was sent with the driver to separate the fresh from the stale in a covered wagon while the driver went from store to store, and then to the depot on the Hudson River near 42nd Street.

      The socialist owner of a Port Store on Columbus Ave. got me the job on this depot after I resigned from the Jewish home. When the driver delivered his load, contents of barrel was dumped on the floor that was cleaned every evening with hot water, a government inspector would either O.K. or condemn the contents.

      It was not only suets, but bones, chicken heads, guts, and feet were loaded into cars on a Railroad Float to be sent to Jersey, to be made into fat, grease soap, or fertilizer. The swarm of flies in the car for chicken guts sometimes formed a cloud.

      The pay was $1.75 for 10 hours work.

      There was only one other German besides me, the others were Polish, Russian, or from the Balkan countries. One Russian carried every cent he could save to a Russian Basement Banker, to help him bring his family to America. Time went on and depositor wanted action, and when he went there again he only found a notice 'Basement for rent', and money and banker could not be found. Despair of victim was heartbreaking.

      One day I dumped a barrel of suet on the floor, and on top of the pile was the eye of a cow or steer, the sorter in the wagon must have overlooked it. I had to call the Inspector to either O.K. or condemn, and I said to the Inspector in a joking way, "Mister, there is someone looking at us"; he first looked at the pile, then at me, and said "Condemned"; and so it went into the car for maggots to be made into soap.

      Saturday came and with my pay was a slip of paper that my service was no longer required. Taking pride in my work I wanted to know the reason for my discharge, and was told 'we hire and fire at will without explanation'. There is no Union to represent Steiner, and he was again free in this free country.

      To be free means to be fasting, and I needed another job. To the Staats Zeitung again to copy a want ad from the billboard for a job. From the Brooklyn Bridge I walked to 86th Street to find that I had been too late. The other had a nickel for the L. and I walked, but the would-be employer gave me 5 cents for the L. back to City Hall, but I need 3 cents for the ferry to Hoboken, and a N.Y. policeman took me to the turnstile of the Lackawanna Ferry and told the woman to let me pass.

      But times were only bad for the dinner pail group that looked to T.R. for salvation. You could read in the paper if you had a penny that some fellow Americans amuse themselves with Monkey dinners and cat weddings, and others had themselves injected with monkey glands, while we had nothing but monkey business. One began to wonder if he was crazy, or the other fellow, or if we are all crazy.

      You could not get a job, even if you were willing to work without wages. For food you would go to the free lunch counter, but you had to bring your beer with you to show that you had 5 cents, if not you took the glass of your fellow worker, with his permission, to the lunch counter. If you could not pay for your room, you could sleep in the Park in the summer, or sit on the latrine in the public park. There was no famine, there was too much of everything but work and money. We were poor because we had too much. A cow would not starve in the midst of clover, but a two legged ox will. The cow could not read the KEEP OFF sign, the ox could.

                 Have you ever been to Crazy Land
                 Down by the Looney Pike?
                 There are the queerest people there -
                 You never saw the like!
                 The ones that do the useful work
                 Are poor as poor can be,
                 And those that do no useful work
                 All live in luxury.

                 They raise so much in Crazy Land
                 Of food and clothes and such,
                 That those who work don't have enough
                 Because they raised too much.
                 They're wrong side to in Crazy Land,
                 They're upside down with care -
                 They walk around upon their heads,
                 With feet up in the air.

                                   Anonymous.
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